


He fancies he knows something, although he knows nothing

by oathofsilence



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alcohol, Developing Relationship, First Kiss, Fluff, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Pining, Post-Canon, Relationship Talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-12 16:04:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19232446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oathofsilence/pseuds/oathofsilence
Summary: Although the world didn't end with Armageddon, some things did end. Some things changed. And some things should, finally, after 6000 years, get a move on and start changing. Particularly, Aziraphale and Crowley needed to stop dancing around each other.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> \- this kind of mixes show-canon and book-canon. though they're not much different, there are some scenes that didn't make it to the screen that i'm referencing here.  
> \- i finished writing and editing this at 5am so feel free to point out any spelling mistakes!

_I am wiser than this man, for neither of us appears to know anything great and good; but he fancies he knows something, although he knows nothing; whereas I, as I do not know anything, so I do not fancy I do. In this trifling particular, then, I appear to be wiser than he, because I do not fancy I know what I do not know._

(Plato)

 

**I.**

 

Crowley did remember that one conversation they’d had in the car once, but he wasn’t prepared for Aziraphale to remember it and even take it as advice.

He was lying on his back on a gorgeous vintage leather sofa in the back room of his bookshop, coat and waistcoat neatly put to the side, shoes taken off, of course (he wasn’t a barbarian, after all), and he was... sleeping.

It was a strange sight. Crowley could not remember the last time he’d seen Aziraphale wear anything other than a multi-layered outfit made up of his favourite pieces from over the decades and centuries. If he hadn’t been a demon he might have felt like he was intruding on the angel’s privacy.

Who did look really vulnerable, just laying there like this, and it did make a big wave of protective feelings wash over Crowley. He swallowed thickly. The feeling wasn’t new, by all means, but it still made his head spin from time to time.

“Aziraphale?” he called out softly, stepping closer, waiting for a reaction.

Aziraphale’s left arm was dangling off the sofa, the other one was cradling a book - closed, but still there was definitely a dog ear in progress. That couldn’t happen.

Carefully, Crowley reached out to take the book from his friend’s hand and set it aside, but just in that moment Aziraphale moved, hugging the book closer to him and denting the pages more.

Crowley huffed. He crouched down next to the sofa, definitely not aware of how close they now were, and tried to pull the book from his friend’s grip. No dice.

He had to move Aziraphale’s hand in the end, uncurling his fingers, but before the relief of a successful bomb disposal could flow through him, he realised something.

Crowley was holding Aziraphale’s hand.

And not just like an object, or like they were shaking hands. Just... carefully holding it in his own hand.

 

They didn’t touch much, usually. A brush of their shoulders, a clap on the back, a handshake. Not often. Surely not regularly. Surely not like this. And the worst part was that it felt _fucking nice_. Crowley must have lost his mind during the apocalypse or been exposed to radioactivity or something. There was no other logical explanation for why his heart started beating faster just because he was touching someone else’s skin.

As he was quietly having a little panic attack, Aziraphale moved again and in his sleep started participating in the hand-holding. Kind of.

“Oh, for-”

“Crowley? Hello,” came Aziraphale’s voice from right next to his face.

He dropped the angel’s hand like it was hot coals and stood up. Or, well, holy water ice cubes in his case perhaps.

“Hi! Rise and shine!” Ugh.

Sitting up, Aziraphale smiled at Crowley. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?”

Crowley clenched his jaw. “Since when do you _sleep_?”

“Oh, you suggested it once, and I thought, why not try something new now that we’re in this brave new world, and all.” He cleared his throat.

“Verdict?”

“Wonderful! Quite useful for sorting your thoughts. Although I could go for something nice to eat now,” he added, already in thought.

Crowley nodded absent-mindedly. “Yeah, that was actually what I was coming by for, but I, I think I have to leave now, actually. Something’s come up.” Walking backwards as he awkwardly excused himself, he bumped into a chair and almost fell over. “For fuck’s sake- uh, see you, angel. Right.”

As he sped away from the bookshop, one traitorous voice in his head wondered if Aziraphale had had a dream. And if maybe he’d dreamed about him.

 

He had.

  


**II.**

 

The thing was, Crowley already knew their relationship was special. And not just in the cosmic mortal-enemies-turned-allies sort of way. It was different than that.

It was more than that.

And Aziraphale obviously knew, too. But he was more hesitant to admit anything, to do anything, to play along.

Crowley never really gave things like gender and sexuality much thought. He just did what he liked. Maybe that was the demonic essence in him - rejecting authority and boundaries and all that. He really didn’t like anyone telling him who he was or who he had to be.

Sure, he’d been given a body that humans would, for all intents and purposes, read as male. Fine by him. Although the clever humans were coming around now and breaking apart these restrictive conceptions.

All these definitions of gender and sexuality changed way too fast for him to be able to keep up, so at some point he just stopped trying to.

Gender? Crowley. Sexuality? Sure. Sex? Maybe. To be fair, he didn’t have much interest in doing anything with humans at all, much less doing something sexual - sure, some tempting here and there, but that was mostly it - so there was no need to define in their terms what or who he was and what or who he liked.

Aziraphale had a lot more trouble with this kind of stuff, it seemed. He cared. Maybe it was because of how strict heaven was, how aggressively they tried to force you into their perception of what was good and right. Just like human society tended to do.

Maybe because he had lived in Soho for over a century and had seen some shit that he hadn’t yet recovered from.

The one thing Aziraphale was exceedingly good at was spreading love. Because he loved everyone and everything on earth so, so fiercely. So when some humans decided that other humans were wrong for expressing who they loved and how they loved others and themselves, it crushed him. Maybe he hadn’t recovered from that yet. Maybe that was partly why he never returned Crowley’s advances except for coy looks and dinner invitations. That was a whole lot of “maybe”.

In a way, they were the same. Gender? Uh, _Angel_ ? Sex? _Excuse me_ ? Sexuality? That is _none_ of your business, young man.

So, you know.

I know that I know nothing, as people say.

Pretty much the only times Aziraphale admitted to them being friends or having a connection was when he was flustered and wasn’t thinking straight. Pun not intended. But other than that, they weren’t friends. Or partners. “I don’t even like you”.

It sort of pained Crowley to know that Aziraphale was so scared of heaven’s eyes and ears. They hadn’t, until Armageddon, even noticed that him and Crowley had been shacking up together all this time, and yet he was always afraid.

Fuck.

This train of thought really wasn’t doing anything besides filling glass after glass and emptying bottle after bottle.

This stupid fucking angel.

This god damn anxious, careful, beautiful idiot.

Now when Crowley started thinking of Aziraphale as beautiful was when things started getting dangerous.

Coincidentally, it was also when the doorbell rang.

  


**III.**

 

“Crowley, are you drunk?” There was no need for the offended tone there. It’s not like Aziraphale had never seen him like this. Or vice versa.

“Mayhaps? Maybe.”

“Is there cause for celebration?”

“Oof, quite the opposite, if you ask me.”

Crowley unceremoniously plopped himself back down on his frankly massive couch. He did not follow what was suddenly going on in here on this day. “What are you doing here?”

Aziraphale looked a bit lost, standing there in the vast, minimalistic flat, looking around for any kind of personal items. It was a shock compared to Aziraphale’s shop, which had trinkets crammed in every corner and crevice. Memories, he’d always say.

“Ah, well, you said I could stay at yours the other day and I’m- I’m just popping in, since I’ve not visited you for decades, and I thought, why not. Change of scenery.” He smiled nervously.

“Well,” he said, gesturing to his right, “make yourself at home, then.”

A nod, and he slowly made his way over. “I saw your plants on the way in! I quite like them. They’ve grown so well since the last time. Nice pop of colour.”

“Yes,” Crowley slurred. “I suppose so.”

He took inventory of the room - a shelf, housing CDs (organized alphabetically), some boxes (mostly empty), some--

“Books! Oh, I thought you’d said you didn’t read books!”

“I mean, I haven’t in a while, but I’m not illiterate, and entertainment is entertainment, so-”

Aziraphale just beamed at him, his eyes practically sparkling, and that, _that_ was the last fucking straw. Crowley sat up so fast a human would’ve gotten vertigo, taking his sunglasses off in one swift movement and cracking them in one fist. Okay, bit dramatic maybe. Sometimes he didn’t know he was dramatic or just wanted people to perceive him as chaotic and dramatic.

“No. Nope. No, I can’t do this.” Pointing towards Aziraphale every other word.

He felt his friend shift behind him. “Can’t... do what?”

He didn’t turn to face him, just gestured vaguely, letting shards of glass rain onto the carpet. “You know. This. Us. You are gonna make me lose my last shreds of sanity.”

Another beat of silence, then Aziraphale came to sit closer to him, very carefully, as if the demon, too, might shatter into a hundred tiny pieces.

“Crowley?”

Crowley clenched his teeth and turned to face the angel, who looked even more worried than usual, but the worst of it was that he looked _hurt_.

“Fuck.” It was like a punch to the gut.

“Crowley! Tell me what’s going on!”

He sighed, deeply, hoping it would help him gain composure, but it did fuck all, actually. Sobering up it was, then, followed by immediate regret because he’d quite liked the hazy numbness around what he felt and thought at the moment.

“Listen, angel” Aziraphale raised his brows at that, hopeful; Crowley frowned, “I don’t know if you’re really that thick or if you just don’t give a damn, but... it’s been us, only us, all this time, all these _millennia_ , and we saved the earth together, we _literally defied heaven and hell together_ and I just-” he stopped in his tracks, only now noticing that he’d gotten so worked up that he’d started pacing around the room.

Another deep breath.

“What I’m saying is, I need you to be honest with me. For once.”

Aziraphale looked at him, mouth agape. His face was always an open book, but watching him now Crowley noticed his gaze travelling over Crowley’s features and reading _him_ clear as day.

“Oh, Crowley.” He got up, slowly, walking over to the other man. So much nervous energy.

“Of course I care about you.” He reached up to gently, carefully, as if he was afraid he was gonna burn his skin, to touch Crowley’s cheek.

“Of course I do. You must know by now that I love you.”

Crowley froze. Wait a second. Hold the phone. Back up. Rewind that.

“You what?” He didn’t move. Couldn’t look Aziraphale in the eye. Just stared vaguely at the floor in confusion.

“You...? But that’s not. I’m a _demon_ . You can’t _love_ me,” he whispered the word, like it was dangerous. Love was reserved for people, for things that deserve it. Friendship, companionship, whatever the hell, sure. But love? That was too big. He was, by definition, unlovable.

Aziraphale softened. “Ah. But you just said everything we’ve been through together. I could give you a hundred reasons, but... how could you think I wouldn’t fall for you? After all this time?”

“See, that’s where you’re wrong, though. I’m the fallen one here.”

Aziraphale just glared at him, clearly bemused, but still. He wasn’t gonna let him wiggle out of this one.

“You don’t have to say it back, naturally. I just need you to know that you are loved and... you made me feel loved. No one else ever did.” He added, quietly, alluring to how the angels treated him. Crowley knew it all too well.

For the second time today, Crowley just about Had It.

He cupped Aziraphale’s face in his hands, shaking his head slightly. He knew that right now, without his sunglasses, his emotions were written across his face in big,flashing neon letters. He didn’t mind right now. God. Satan. Who ever. Fuck. This was too much.

“I do, though,” he breathed, desperately, and leaned forward, kissing Aziraphale finally, _finally_ \- it was the best decision he’d made in his entire existence. “I do, I do, I do.”

And they kissed, and it felt like he couldn’t breathe; and as Crowley pushed against Aziraphale they moved, barely noticing it, Aziraphale letting out a small sound of surprise as his back hit a wall. This was absolutely insane. His head was spinning.

Aziraphale’s hand went from gripping Crowley’s waist to rest on his chest, pushing him away ever so slightly. He was very flushed, Crowley noticed vaguely through the fog in his brain.

“Well, _now_ I get why humans enjoy kissing so much,” he huffed and Crowley almost laughed.

“Hmm, but I do have some advantages over them” Another kiss.

Aziraphale hummed, letting his head fall back against the wall, looking at Crowley through half.closed eyes. “I do feel a bit light-headed, though.”

Now Crowley did laugh. “Me too, angel.” And how couldn’t he?

He’d been dreaming of this, wishing for it, _yearning_ for it for an impossible amount of time, and now it had happened, everything had paid off just right, and it was wonderful. It was perfect.

What a strange post-apocalyptic world, he thought.

An angel in love with a demon.

A demon who will admit to being in love with the aforementioned angel as well, in time.

There was no rush.

They had eternity.

  



	2. Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Does One Navigate A Relationship After Mutual Pining For 6000 Years? Pls Help

 

**I.**

 

Today, the bookshop was unusually busy. There was no telling why, really - except maybe that it had just started raining and people had to flee somewhere. Preferably somewhere that wouldn’t charge them.

Aziraphale didn’t mind. Every now and then he enjoyed the busier days, not that he necessarily needed the business, but after all, he enjoyed interacting with humans. Especially with humans who cared about books.

Sometimes he would see someone consider a book for a long time only to sadly put it back down  - obviously not being able to afford getting it after all - and would miracle the book into their bag with a little note. The notes might or might not have smiley faces drawn on them.

He liked making people happy, you see. Share his own happiness.

He was just talking to a customer about a poetry collection that had somehow found its way into his shop despite not being close to old. 

The bell above the shop door jingled, and Aziraphale immediately just knew who had come in. His-- well. His what? His Crowley.

“Well, there you go, then,” Aziraphale said hurriedly, “do take your time to peruse some more, if you like”, making sure he didn’t show too much sudden excitement on his face.

The man thanked him and turned, at which moment Aziraphale registered three things.

A raindrop falling onto his shoulder.

A kiss being pressed to his cheek.

“Hey, angel,” being said right next to his ear.

Aziraphale inhaled sharply and turned around.

“Crowley! I’m at work!” he hissed.

Crowley grinned. “So?”

He managed to maneouver Crowley into a more deserted area of the shop floor.

“Please, I’m not sure if it’s appropriate for people to show their... private... stuff at their workplace,” he said, nervous.

“People? Or just us?”

Aziraphale deflated at that.

“I don’t know. I’m sorry. it’s just, this” he gestured between them, “it’s new. I don’t know how to not be paranoid about the top and bottom floor having eyes and ears everywhere.”

“ ‘s okay. Frankly, they’ve known we were in cahoots with each other for a while now. They just don’t know what  _ kind _ of cahoots.” He winked.

“Promise you though, no one in here could give less of a shit whether your boyfriend gave you public affection. If anything, they’ll be jealous,” he added in a conspirational tone.

Aziraphale’s mind was hung up on the word  _ boyfriend. _

It made him feel funny.

“Excuse me?” A head poked around a bookshelf. “Any of you chaps the owner? Or the cashier?”

Aziraphale quickly put distance between himself and Crowley, as if they’d just been caught making out instead of just talking.

“Yes!” He adjusted his waistcoat. “That would be me. Follow me!”

As he left, he turned his head to give Crowley a stern look, but was, again, just met with a shit-eating grin.

That also made him feel funny. Allowing himself to actually feel these feelings and think these thoughts regarding Crowley, without feeling like a mere fleeting thought would be cause for discorporation or worse, was... a lot to deal with. When he’d told Crowley about his feelings, barely three weeks back, it was the first time he had allowed himself to say something like that, let alone really think it. He could really only describe it as... funny. Strange. Made him feel warm. A little dizzy, maybe.

He cashed up the customer in a daze, barely registering the interaction. He did manage to wish him a good day and give him a little wave on the way out, though.

Crowley silently came to stand next to him, without saying anything for a few minutes.

“I  _ am _ glad to see you, you know,” Aziraphale said, a small coy smile spreading on his lips. “Just,” he shrugged, “busy day.”

“Riiiight,” Crowley nodded.

“You’re also dripping everywhere, my dear.” It must surely be a storm outside if Crowley was this drenched only from the way from the car to the shop. And not miracling himself dry, the bastard. Aziraphale did a little motion with his fingers - better than any towel he could have offered.

“Oh, thanks, angel.”

A young woman, maybe in her early twenties, adorned with a big, silver pentagram necklace, appeared in front of the till where Crowley and Aziraphale were still standing. She kept looking at Crowley, who was just idly standing around, and back to Aziraphale.

He made a bit of friendly conversation with her, then handed her the purchase in a little paper bag.

She turned to go, but then decided to face Aziraphale again.

“Um, Mr... Fell?”

“Yes?”

“I hope I’m not overstepping but, uhm... I’ve always liked this place, and I guess now I kinda know why.” She let out a small laugh and shot a look at Crowley again. “Thanks for... being visible, or something. It’s real special.” It looked like she wanted to make wink, but then realized that talking to an old man with a bookshop was not the kind of familiar situation to warrant winking.

Aziraphale was more than confused, but didn’t let it show. Or tried not to. “Right. Thank you! Thanks so much.”

She smiled and waved as she turned to leave. 

Aziraphale stared at the empty spot of air where the girl had been standing, brows furrowed, until-

“Oh. Oh  _ no _ .” Wide-eyed, he walked over to Crowley, already gesturing and fidgeting.

“We have a big, a massive problem on our hands.” He looked around, anxious, making sure nobody was listening to them. “We can’t talk about it now, but, but we’ll have to later.”

 

**II.**

A few hours later the buzz in the bookshop had finally calmed down, as had the weather. Sunbeams came in through the slits in the blinds as Aziraphale beckoned Crowley into his back room.

“Alright,” he breathed, rounding on him.

“You remember that young woman from earlier?”

“Yes? Why?”

“I think we might have been found out. She seemed to know things.”

Well, wasn’t that specific. “Like what?”

“She- she talked about being visible, us being special. I think she knows that we’re not human.”

Crowley blinked. Stared for a few moments. Then just burst out laughing.

“Crowley! This is not funny! I’ve- I’ve never had a human suspect any such thing, should I have done something?”

He didn’t get an answer for a bit, until Crowley had finally collected himself and took a few steps to close the distance between them.

“Aziraphale... that’s not what she meant. You need to,” he took another step, “relax.”

Aziraphale swallowed thickly at their sudden closeness and didn’t meet his adversary’s eyes. 

“Come on now, don’t try to distract me. I know it’s probably not serious, but it’s just... strange. I don’t know what-”

He was cut off by Crowley’s lips meeting his; his hands cupping the angel’s face softly. Aziraphale thought about protesting briefly but... it was just too comforting. He melted into the kiss, trying to get even closer to Crowley than he already was. 

Crowley laughed again, pulling away. “This,” he whispered, “this is what she meant when she said we were special.”

Aziraphale gaped at him, eyes out of focus. “ _ Oh _ . She- she saw us.”

“Yep. And  _ liked it _ .”

“Don’t say it like that.”

He extracted himself from Crowley’s embrace and sat down. “Gosh, I really don’t know what’s wrong with me today that this frazzled me so much.”

“Oh, there’s been a lot of things wrong with you since the start, darling.”

Aziraphale didn’t react besides frowning and staring into space. “Everything alright?” Crowley asked after a beat.

The angel bit his lip. “Um. So. Bit of a change of topic, but earlier you said something and I think it’s something we should perhaps talk about.” He patted the free space next to him on the sofa. 

“What do you mean?” Crowley asked as he sat down.

“You, uh. Called yourself my  _ boyfriend _ ?”

Crowley raised his eyebrows. “Is that not what I am?”

Aziraphale looked at him, expression soft. Unsure.

 “I’m. I don’t know if that’s the right term for us. It feels...” He paused.

“I feel it’s too shallow.”

Crowley grinned. “Well, what then? Life partners?” He leaned closer. “Lovers?”

Aziraphale’s face lit up. “Oh, lovers sounds adorable, actually. But also... so fleeting.”

No reply, no quip. You could practically see the gears turning in Crowley’s head.

“Really now, think about it. You said it yourself.  _ How long have we been friends? _ After all this,” Aziraphale shrugged, “I think it’s clear we’re in it for the long haul.” 

If you would see these words written on paper, you would think the author of them was absolutely sure of them. No doubt about it. Done deal. Bing bang boom. 

But out loud, Aziraphale’s voice was shaking a little. Not the way it would if someone was scared, but the way your voice sounds when you tell someone you love them for the first time. This was the second time Crowley had heard his angel sound like this.  _ It’s fine. This is fine.  _

Crowley nodded. “Yeah, I see what you mean,” he said quietly.

“I don’t know if there necessarily needs to be a word for it, I was just,” Aziraphale smiled widely, “I was just surprised and... happy that  _ you _ put a word on it.” He shrugged.

Crowley dragged a hand across his face (as much as his glasses would allow it). “Fuckin’ heaven, angel.”

He contemplated for a moment. 

The only time he’d ever been sure that something would last forever, was when he fell. Hell would be forever. He would forever be outcast, unloved, irredeemable, unforgivable, unlovable. But this forever... ended. Maybe it was time for a new, better forever.

“You know, humans have invented all sorts of intricate rituals about folks being together, but I think I know something that might fit us. You know how people always look between the two of us, thinking,  _ right, I know what’s going on between these two? _ How people describe us as an old couple? An old  _ married _ couple, even?” He raised his eyebrows at the word, for emphasis.

Aziraphale gaped at him. “Are you-- are you  _ proposing _ to me?!”

“Oh, oh no, no no no. I just thought. Doesn’t  _ husbands _ kind of describe us? Without whatever other things humans assign to that. It’s all way too church-y for me. You know institutionalised religion isn’t my jam necessarily.”

Aziraphale looked away, thinking. 

Shyly, slowly, his gaze turned back to Crowley. 

He didn’t say anything for a while, just staring at Crowley, trying to make out his eyes behind the tinted glass; then broke into a huge grin, eyes sparkling.

“Yes, oh, I love that,” he took Crowley’s hands in his. “ _ Husbands _ . Good lord. That, my dear, is the best idea you’ve had since  _ godfathers _ .”

“Oi, now you’re giving me too little credit, don’t you think?”

Aziraphale made a vague, non-committal noise.

“Oh, fuck off.”

“Husbands!” He shook his head, standing up. “You’re such a softie, sometimes.”

“Hey now, that’s uncalled for. And  _ just _ after we became husbands, too. You’re cruel.”

“I know,” Aziraphale said and placed a kiss on Crowley’s lips.

_ Fuck. I like this. _ Crowley’d thought it would change everything if Aziraphale ever found out - scratch that; if they both ever admitted to feeling this way. And it did change everything. But also it didn’t change anything.

He watched Aziraphale leave the back room and thought, _ this is good. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: i hate marriage  
> me: absolutely goes HAM over gays calling their s/o their wife or husband
> 
> hi hello this took like a week longer than planned because heat wave and impostor syndrome and whatnot. I hope you enjoyed it tho!!
> 
> yell at me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/erziraphael) or [tumblr](http://tieflingbloodhunter.tumblr.com) if u want :-)

**Author's Note:**

> hello everyone i hope you enjoyed this gay mess
> 
> chapter 2 will be a little epilogue / glance into the future so look out for that :^)  
> comments and kudos are massively appreciated!
> 
> you can find me on my [twitter](http://twitter.com/erziraphael) or my [tumblr](http://tieflingbloodhunter.tumblr.com)!


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